Mobile Addiction – New Age Ball and Chain
I rarely read about a newly found disease without being convinced I have an early version of it . Nomophobia refers to the fear of being without your mobile . Its a goner ,I thought - I have it for sure . The UK Post office has coined this one ( NO MObile PHOBIA ), so you can send the congratulatory mails off to them , while the rest of us poor saps wonder whether (a) we do have it , (b) just how bad it is and (c) do we have to go to sanatorium in Switzerland for a cure .
I read reports on cell phone radiation and its harmful effects on the brain. Apparently prolonged mobile usage worse than smoking or exposure to asbestos. In my case , and considering my extent of mobile usage , its probably like smoking asbestos ! In fact I think the infinitely more dangerous situation is stepping out of home ,and discovering the dark reality and definitely greater evil that you have forgotten your mobile. Brain damage ? Pshaw - a mere nothing. Maybe the stem cell research guys can help us grow a brain back from the medulla oblongata onwards in the next few months . On the other hand , no mobile ? That’s a possible paralytic stroke , or asthmatic attack I would wager , no less. Tch, difficult choice , this one.
There is a space between my ears where my brain was earlier resident , but that’s been charred to smoke by now. The sizzle I thought I had is now really the sound of pale gray matter being deep fried on a mass of radioactive waves. The radiation from my blue tooth ear piece , coupled with my advancing years has clearly put paid to my earlier hopes of a life term membership at Mensa. Ironic really , when you think of the mobile supposedly helping you do your work better , optimize performance etc, How then how do you explain standing around with an idiotic simper on your face because you are talking to someone important , and when they ask who is calling , and I have forgotten my own name . Today I referred to a visitors colleague as Tinku , when his name was actually Tarun. I talk about a Shanta when I mean Sheila .My colleagues well used to these strange twists of names , immediately join up the dots , and nod . In fact, kind souls that they are , they say they actually now prefer Tinku, an indication of their solidarity and nay, supportive acceptance of that airy-gap-between-the ears. I am grateful for their unselfish support in these trying times . There are some times when asked a tough question like How are you , or How is business, I am forced to pick up my mobile , google the phrase , and possibly double check my answer by sending a text to a friend, and then reply monosyllabically with great triumph – ‘Fine’. Very often I am even right . The Marvels of Technology, I tell you .
A casual reference to getting some rest for the wicked , and attempts to prise away the mobile from my claw like fingers are met with strong defense . Nothing can part us . As smoke continues to discreetly billow out from behind my head , and an increasingly vacuous look clouds my countenance, the mobile remains crooked against my arm, for all the world like a favorite teddy bear . The opposable thumbs so valued by primates, are evolving into claw like structures more suitable to super fast texting.
The Significant Other once made serious attempts to get me to go cold turkey , and carefully ‘lost’ the mobile one weekend . However even his stern heart was wrung by my pathetic but determined attempts to connect up the TV remote , the Worldspace receiver antenna and a piece of plastic, and try and then desperately attempt to make a call with this contraption from the balcony. Apparently there is a discreet sanatorium In La La Land where these desperate addictions can be attended to , but it requires time , and patience . However relapses are common and the sage specialists rarely give guarantees. Strangely, their visionary recommendations of Tree – Houses for all, Jungle Drums or ESP as an alternative method of easy and instant communication have not been met with much acceptance .
So it’s a choice between brains and convenience, and (Maggi 2 minute noodles fans will bear me out ) convenience always wins. However, the human spirit never gives up . I have overheard discussions on range and costs of jungle drums , and just yesterday , saw the Significant Other downloading ‘Communicating in The Amazon Jungle in Ten Easy Lessons ‘( trainer drums come in free ) .
Until then, the mobile gets heavier , and is starting to grow roots at my wrist .
I read reports on cell phone radiation and its harmful effects on the brain. Apparently prolonged mobile usage worse than smoking or exposure to asbestos. In my case , and considering my extent of mobile usage , its probably like smoking asbestos ! In fact I think the infinitely more dangerous situation is stepping out of home ,and discovering the dark reality and definitely greater evil that you have forgotten your mobile. Brain damage ? Pshaw - a mere nothing. Maybe the stem cell research guys can help us grow a brain back from the medulla oblongata onwards in the next few months . On the other hand , no mobile ? That’s a possible paralytic stroke , or asthmatic attack I would wager , no less. Tch, difficult choice , this one.
There is a space between my ears where my brain was earlier resident , but that’s been charred to smoke by now. The sizzle I thought I had is now really the sound of pale gray matter being deep fried on a mass of radioactive waves. The radiation from my blue tooth ear piece , coupled with my advancing years has clearly put paid to my earlier hopes of a life term membership at Mensa. Ironic really , when you think of the mobile supposedly helping you do your work better , optimize performance etc, How then how do you explain standing around with an idiotic simper on your face because you are talking to someone important , and when they ask who is calling , and I have forgotten my own name . Today I referred to a visitors colleague as Tinku , when his name was actually Tarun. I talk about a Shanta when I mean Sheila .My colleagues well used to these strange twists of names , immediately join up the dots , and nod . In fact, kind souls that they are , they say they actually now prefer Tinku, an indication of their solidarity and nay, supportive acceptance of that airy-gap-between-the ears. I am grateful for their unselfish support in these trying times . There are some times when asked a tough question like How are you , or How is business, I am forced to pick up my mobile , google the phrase , and possibly double check my answer by sending a text to a friend, and then reply monosyllabically with great triumph – ‘Fine’. Very often I am even right . The Marvels of Technology, I tell you .
A casual reference to getting some rest for the wicked , and attempts to prise away the mobile from my claw like fingers are met with strong defense . Nothing can part us . As smoke continues to discreetly billow out from behind my head , and an increasingly vacuous look clouds my countenance, the mobile remains crooked against my arm, for all the world like a favorite teddy bear . The opposable thumbs so valued by primates, are evolving into claw like structures more suitable to super fast texting.
The Significant Other once made serious attempts to get me to go cold turkey , and carefully ‘lost’ the mobile one weekend . However even his stern heart was wrung by my pathetic but determined attempts to connect up the TV remote , the Worldspace receiver antenna and a piece of plastic, and try and then desperately attempt to make a call with this contraption from the balcony. Apparently there is a discreet sanatorium In La La Land where these desperate addictions can be attended to , but it requires time , and patience . However relapses are common and the sage specialists rarely give guarantees. Strangely, their visionary recommendations of Tree – Houses for all, Jungle Drums or ESP as an alternative method of easy and instant communication have not been met with much acceptance .
So it’s a choice between brains and convenience, and (Maggi 2 minute noodles fans will bear me out ) convenience always wins. However, the human spirit never gives up . I have overheard discussions on range and costs of jungle drums , and just yesterday , saw the Significant Other downloading ‘Communicating in The Amazon Jungle in Ten Easy Lessons ‘( trainer drums come in free ) .
Until then, the mobile gets heavier , and is starting to grow roots at my wrist .
(First published in Bangalored Mirror, My Views )
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